After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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