Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
