I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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