All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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