Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
