One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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