how can u be prego again
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
