We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I FOUND THE LEGS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
