I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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