i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
