I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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