so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
