I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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