just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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