not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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