oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
