Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
