I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
