How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
