She went from zero to smokin in five shots
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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