If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
