I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
