i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like God shit irony all over that family
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
