just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you will always have a special place in my vag
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
