think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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