im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
