I cut my penus on the lid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
