im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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