so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
