apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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