im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
