It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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