i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
