i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
