all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize