i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
