She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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