Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
