I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The air was thick with penises
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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