I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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