On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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