Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize