the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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