2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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