I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
