my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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