Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Randomize
