Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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