Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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