Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
