Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
