No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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