After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
