i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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