Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
