Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
