Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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